


If Only I Could See The Demons You Live With

by Kentarou_San



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Feelings Realization, It's too late, Reiner Braun Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-21 22:35:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30028887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kentarou_San/pseuds/Kentarou_San
Summary: Sort of angsty? I was browsing tumblr and just imagined this, though personally I only ship Reiner with happiness I love every ship with him as a vulnerable bottom tbh. Not what this is about but I just had to say it lol
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Porco Galliard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. I Would Go Back In Time

Porco rushed up the steep steps, his mind reeling with every labored breath he took. Growing up they had been enemies of a sort, two desperate kids vying for a better life for their family. Or at least Reiner had been, Porco didn't need to because everyone always knew Marcel would get a titan easily. He just really wanted to be a hero, for Marcel to be proud of him. However, Marcel seemed to only give a damn about sniveling little Reiner. It made his blood boil when then and now, Porco always did his best to put Reiner down in hopes that Marcel would see Reiner for what he truly was, but the little cockroach just wouldn't give in.

He rushed up the final step and made his way down the hall. It seemed like every step he took he got farther from his goal, from saving him. When Reiner came back, after all those years, he was unrecognizable. The crybaby runt had come back as a powerful young man. His eyes no longer held the determination of his past, and he carried himself without hope despite how much he had improved, it was like becoming the man that he had strived so hard to be was crushing him. The man could now best all of the warriors in human form, except maybe Zeke admittedly. It didn't make sense to Porco because Reiner had literally begged for this.

It angered him that his brother died to protect him, the little brat that got everything he wanted by desperate boot-licking. It pissed him off even more that Reiner impersonated his late brother, acting like everyone's big brother while being a terrorist in reality. It was no wonder why Reiner was so messed up, no wonder his brain had broken into two parts. He really was a spawn of a devil, that's what Porco told himself. It made him feel better about his brother's sabotaging of him. Though, he realized long ago that it was actually jealously, he had even realized why Marcel devoted so much attention to the blonde brat. It was because if Reiner couldn't have the Armour, Reiner would never be happy.

So why, why- Did Reiner look so damn depressed when he came back a hero? His eyes were no longer bright and lively but now dull like he was already dead, he didn't have that soft face that Porco remembered, it was hard and dark. And It made him terribly, terribly angry. Especially since Reiner had gotten what he wanted at the expense of Porco's brother, and Porco himself. Or at least that's what Porco told himself when he hurled insults at the man broken in body and in mind.

He told himself it was pay back, for what happened to Marcel, when Porco told Reiner he should have died instead. He told himself it was pay back, for himself, when he told Reiner that the man's friends died because of him. He could never understand why he just got angrier when Reiner agreed with him, sometimes saying Porco's insults back to himself, as if it was some sort of affirmation that it was true. He surely couldn't understand why he got so mad when Reiner lie there and took the verbal beating, that sad, sad look on his face. Like he was praying that his own heart would just stop beating.

That was until now, that he didn't understand. Porco realized that back when they were kids, he just wanted Marcel's attention and thought that Reiner had stolen it. He realized that he hurled insults at the broken man in hopes of igniting that spark that made he never cease to move forward, that's all that Porco wanted. To see the guy that he had hated, but also secretly admired. He wanted to see Reiner, not Marcel, not this hollow shell that looked like Reiner. But the man that wanted a better life and to be happy, if only it was just a glimpse, Porco wanted the true Reiner back.

And it was now, that he realized that he might be too late to undo all the things he's done by pouring salt into open, bleeding wounds. Porco slammed the door with enough force to cause it's knob to dent the wall behind it. The room was dark, and Reiner sat there with that disturbed look he always had on his face, a gun positioned in his mouth deep enough that Porco was sure that Reiner was choking.

Porco's body stopped, he had come knowing what he wanted to do but now that he was here he wasn't sure how to execute it. He stood there shocked, taking a step in. And Reiner? Well, despite the tears leaking down his face and harsh metal occupying his mouth and throat... Reiner managed a smile. Small choking sounds escaping his throat as he blinked his eyes closed and his finger brushed lightly over the trigger in preparation.

"Stop!!" Was all Porco could manage before the Reiner pushed down on the trigger.


	2. If I Could Undo All That I've Done To You

The trigger clicked and both men braced for the impact, but it didn't come. Porco stood there panting, tired, having ran there the moment he felt something was wrong. Reiner's eyes were open now, looking down at where his hand was placed, pushing the trigger down a couple more times. The clicking getting more and more frantic with every millisecond that passed. A miss fire, no- a full on malfunction of the gun was what was saving Reiner not Porco who stood there with glinting eyes.

"Reiner-!" He grimaced and all but growled, his hands balled into fists and arms tight at his sides as he trudged over to the man who seemed to finally give up on death. Reiner was already removing the gun from his mouth when Porco grabbed it and flung it across the room with a loud metallic thud. His first instinct was to grab the idiot by the throat but the tears and saliva sliding down the poor man's cheeks and chin made him think that maybe he had already had enough. Bullying him wasn't the strategy anymore anyway.

Instead he cooled himself, placing his hand on Reiner's strong shoulder. The man said nothing, did nothing, just stared _through_ Porco's stomach utterly shocked. He had never seen Reiner this bad before, it honestly put Porco off slightly. However, he needed to do this, and do it _right_. He put his hand under the mans scruffy chin, his fingers wiping up some of the saliva in the process, and tipped the older man's face up to look at him.

It was a whole new heartbreaking, and Reiner's dull but very shocked eyes met his. "Why- are you here? _Porco_..?" The blonde sat, his body visibly started to tremble. It was almost like he had not just been smiling at the other man just a second ago, with a gun halfway down his gullet.

"What do you mean? Did you really think I would let you die after Marcel sacrificed himself for you?" He said, his own shock and tiredness lifting the cadence of his words. Reiner just looked down, shamefully, like he was about to lay down and die for real. Not of a gun shot, or hanging, or murder, but of a broken heart. But Porco wasn't done.

"Marcel saw something in you that I didn't, not at the time..." He trailed, pulling over the other chair in the room and sitting himself down. He leaned in close to Reiner, keeping a hand on the man's chin so that he would pay attention.

"He saw that you would keep going, and going, and going- Annoyingly so, even if you were turned down. He knew it would get you killed if you stayed here." He said, watching as more tears leaked out of the man's eyes and a small sob escaped parted lips. It seemed that Porco just _couldn't_ get his words to come out right, it was pissing him off.

"Reiner, so why? _Why_ do you want to leave so badly when so many people want you here... with _us_?" He almost begged with his own lip starting to tremble. It seemed to get through to the man because empty eyes seemed to change, they seemed to regain a little bit of that familiar golden light.

"I... _I_ want you here Reiner, I want the _real_ you here. The _honest_ you. Even if you can't be the kid from before, I want you to be _happy_." He said, getting very, very uncomfortable because he was terrible at expressing his own feelings. Which was obvious because he had been insulting an already broken man for four years, if not more counting their childhood, if you could even call it that.

Reiner's hand moved to sit over his own, which Porco had not noticed had moved to cup Reiner's wet cheek. "I'm sorr-" The man started but Porco cut him off, putting his thumb over Reiner's lips and bringing his own face extremely close to the others. As if he were about to kiss this vulnerable, lost child of a man. But instead he said:

"If you're so sorry, then keep living. Like we _all_ want you to do." And amber eyes widened, in the low light it looked almost as if they were glowing and despite the tears within them; I was clear that they were smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very creative but this was fun

**Author's Note:**

> How'd ya like it? Haven't written much in a while but I'm obsessed with Reiner


End file.
